Bonus Plans

Its that time of the year again, when the powers that be get together in their hollowed corridors, smoke cigars, sip on scotch and every once in a while let out a devilish laugh as they pen down the annual bonuses for those who are not their cronies.For all the talk of incentivizing performance through stock grants and variable compensation, I think most of the amounts given away are based on relationships with those doing the doling out of funds and not based on solid performance.

It is also that time of the quarter (can you tell I work for an American company?) where we have the obligatory managers night out. Some of my colleagues I enjoy hanging out with. The conversation is always engaging the opinions are always scathing and the topics are always controversial. Some others I don't mind. They're like the cockroaches you hear got into the food in a restaurant you would never go to. I would have hated them if I had to deal with them, but I don't and so that's that.
And then there are those whose intelligence levels are the only reason that evolution is still considered a theory. I mean we all have these guys don't we? Retards that surprise us with the levels they are in the organization - people who can't understand an argument, can't state a position but probably can either suck the chrome of a exhaust pipe or kiss more ass than toilet paper in a public shithouse.
Whatever their skill, it doesn't bother me except for those days that I have to go drown my friday nights in local beer at a cheap hovel surrounded by these idiots.

And this time I was wondering what my bonus number would be this year. So as I was engaging the pathetic morons monosyllabic repetitive responses, I was thinking about how we could make the bonus system better.
Here's my answers:
  1. Make bonus numbers public inside the managers group. If you have to explain to your staff why you gave Mr A 10 big ones as a bonus and Mr B only 5, you will at the very least have to come up a with an engaging story. You wont be telling them it was because Mr A has a mouth like a vacuum cleaner. And you can't keep making up stories.
  2. Reduce bonus levels after a certain level. Most organizations give higher bonuses to people higher up in the org. For example, I qualify for a max of 40% of my annual salary as my bonus, while my boss qualifies for a max of 60% of HIS annual salary. Isn't that shitty? I mean given the amount of money that senior people in the organization are making, they should already be as incentivized as can be. Do you really need to bribe them to perform? Fuck that. I say you should give them negative bonuses. Give them a salary number and take money away from them if they don't meet their targets.
  3. At the first two levels of management, give out bonuses regardless of company performance. If the guy met his bonus targets he should get the money. Just because the technologists had a fucked up product don't punish the little floor supervisors that built the first 100 in record time.

Of course none of the companies will actually do these things. If you have better ideas let me know I'm always willing to listen. I'm sure it will be better than whatever it is those mindless dumbfucks were droning on about yesterday.

Something nice for a change...

Countries are often unfortunate byproducts of the desire of certain humans to impose order and exert control. The way their borders are drawn and the way states are made up smacks of it.

There is one problem. When we need to organize and when we face big issues, we tend to try and simplify. And how do we do that? We cut the large problem up into smaller pieces. We group people - put them in boxes and draw virtual lines on the ground - in the hope that we can better influence, organize, control the people inside those boxes. And if we can just control all those boxes, we can define where the entire country goes.
In my mind that's just a definite maybe.

When we group people and draw lines, we make assumptions about commonalities,. similarities, capabilities, and the future. And you know what that gives us?
Very often, a big fucking mess.

Our unthinking and unknowing compartmentalization based on frivolous and unenlightened assumptions of egotistical and clay footed leaders lead to internal forces that work in divergent directions, working against instead of for the country.

Look around you. Don't tell me you don't see that in India. Or in your company.
See, organizational structures are kinda similar to how country borders or states are made up.
Success or failure of these organizations is very often dependent not so much on how those boxes are drawn and who is in them, but on some quality or resource they possess, and the need of the external environment for that quality. What's inside of those boxes merely speeds up or delays the inevitable demise or growth of that which the environment wants or needs.

If you take our country, given the unfortunate pillaging we took and the sheer number of us bitches, we went through quite some tough times. But recently though, we've done good. Actually the sheer number of us bitches in this region is what is going to be our biggest strength. The largest number of producers and the largest number of consumers is in this part of the world, and unless natural destruction or war fucks it up for us, prosperity is coming our way.

We (us inside this box called India) can all argue about how we can accelerate this phenomenon, or we can bitch about the incompetence/corruption/idiocy of our fellow inmates. But I have a feeling this is where the future is. They (the ones outside this box) can all point out the lack of infrastructure and the difficulty of doing business, but despite all of that they will have to drag their sorry asses over here.
Some visionary leaders have already figured this out. They have moved themselves or their companies to India for one thing only - its size, either in market or talent pool.

Some tactical, execution hacks are here because of lower labor costs, and others sit on the sidelines and bitch - about government incentives being too little or , or airports being to far away. What they don't get about us is the fact that none of that shit matters eventually.
It doesn't matter how many idiots we have in here, or how many corrupt people still remain, or how many different directions every state wants to go in, and how slow we are at building new educational institutions, and bridges and dams and ports, and how low the labor costs are.
All of that stuff is just a facilitation of the inevitable future - This is where it's going to be.

the point of all of this is, if you had to pick one country to be in over the next 30 years, you can't get much better than this one we're in right now.

Happy Independence Day.

People are Idiots

This is not a rant, but watch the video and you will know how easily it could be one about people not knowing half the time what the hell it is they are doing

This is fascinating. And this was their first research paper. Fucking brilliant.
Below is a BBC Video. Read: The Invisible Gorilla for more.
(note: title of this blog post has nothing to do with either Christopher Chabris, Daniel Simmons, Lars Hall or Peter Johansson)