It's been a month since I posted the first part of this rant. And mere days later the IPL thing broke out into such a melee. How do you like DEM apples Mr Modi?
Posting about the IPL now just seems like tacking on another tiny piece of glitter in the stereotypical Rajasthani woman's blouse. You know the one I mean? With mirrors on the breast covering part of the blouse? Freaky. If you stare at them you see a million of you looking right back at you... Brrr....
But for the sake of completeness, I thought I'd just post what was originally going to say. Here goes:
So here's the thing that gets me about the IPL. It's fucking overrated in every single way.
First lets cover the easy ones.
- Level of Play: One word - Sucks!!! Have you seen the way these people play? There's so little skill on display that you could actually fantasize about getting in there yourself.
- Cheerleaders: Overrated as hotties. Why in blazes were they wearing so many clothes? The ones from Chennai were actually wearing trackpants!!! WHAT THE FUCK? Lets get one thing straight. They're called cheerleaders. You know why they get to lead cheers? Because they're scantily clad women with tight asses, firm breasts, luscious curves that can move their bodies in a way that keeps the eyes of hundreds of drunken testosterone carriers fixated on them during breaks, and mindlessly get them to chant whatever the fuck they want. The only owner that tried to get good cheerleaders was Mallya. Props to you my BROTHA!!!
- TV Coverage: Too much advertising, too much commentary, but for the cheerleaders, entirely too little airtime
- Arun Lal: WAAAAAY to much airtime.
- Sunil Gavaskar: I'm just waiting for this tiring annoying know-it-all to retire. Damn.
- And the last of the small irritations: Those actors doing the "sidelines" commentary: Guys, your acting careers were on the sidelines of showbiz already. Did you really have to come to the sidelines of cricket and distribute fake smiles and false enthusiasm to all and sundry in your wake?
But the two majorly overrated aspects of the IPL: Value for money
First the value for the advertisers money:
Do you know how many logos there are on screen? 5 or 6 on the players uniforms, anywhere from 3 to 6 on the ground, the hoardings around the boundary that we have been ignoring for years. Even the commentators have been turned into whores. Yelling and screaming, and calling calling out sponsor names at every chance they get! I've got a Carbon Camaal Crotch and you can have a City moment of sucking it mothafucka. And I've not even started on the TV ads and the ads on that annoying screen that they wont show replays on when you go to the stadium.
How many of those companies do you remember? Probably not enough to justify what those guys are paying. I bet that in 5 years, the rates and the number of sponsors will come down to more rational levels. Maybe we will still have the manic pricing of the ads during the Final, like the Superbowl crapola they have Stateside, but hopefully there wont be that much foaming at the mouth when Chennai Sweeper Kinks play the King's XI Nut-jobs in the season opener.
And finally here's what is even more overrated that value for the advertiser's money: The value of the fucking teams.
Did you hear how much that guy paid for the team from Pune? God Fucking Damn.
Probably more than he got for that airline of his when he sold it.
Sell your shares people. Sell your shares. That's all I have to say
And a final parting thought. Thanks to those who send me vicious threats over email if I didn't post soon. I was in the US on business, and I couldn't bring myself to tear away from the hot chicks in the cool bars THAT STAY OPEN TILL 2pm, for long enough to post something. I totally forgot about you guys that are waiting to hear about my latest vexation and laugh pithily at my spiking blood pressure.
But when I came back, I saw all that email and I instantly missed you. I felt wanted. (Not in a Salmonella Khan kind of way, please note.)
I have now resolved to increase my fiber intake.
(Hopefully that will make me more regular. HAR!)