Yeah I know. Not an original title. You've probably heard that phrase/fragment many times before, I was actually going to call it:
"Death by aneurysm caused by high blood pressure levels brought on by the frustration with the inaction, gutlessness and general pointlessness of a Committee." But that would have made the permalink too long....
There is only one good reason to form a committee - When you do not want to put too much dependence on the opinion of one man. In that case, you get a group of people with varied experiences and expertise to advise - and monitor the actions of - that one dude. For example boards of companies. But even then you will see that the dude (CEO in this case) is ultimately responsible.
But unfortunately, the real reason most committees are brought into existence are one of the below:
a). There IS A NEED for a person of influence and authority, but you have NOT APPOINTED one
b). There is NO NEED for a person of influence and authority, but you HAVE APPOINTED one.
c). A case of special disaster, where there IS A NEED, but instead of appointing a person and giving him authority, you have appointed a titular, incompetent, apathetic INVERTEBRATE.
The only case from the above three that has a chance of succeeding is case b. And that too if the person that you appointed is an exceedingly capable, dynamic and astute leader. And we all know there are very few of those types of people.
If you dont have an explicitly appointed owner for a set of decisions that do need to be made then what will happen is a set of reptiles with lower authority levels will get together and form a committee. Such committees are generally called councils. If the members are truly arrogant pricks, those committees will be called boards.
And what happens at these boards? Posturing, Grandstanding and Backstabbing - that's what. Nothing will ever get done by a bunch of airheads who are flailing like flagella to prove that they are better, and more important and their businesses more successful than the next one.
While there may not be much benefit to the company from such committees, YOU may be able to benefit. If you're capable of swimming with the sharks and playing their politics, you may benefit from the visibility to different businesses and the weaknesses of your competition. And you MAY get opportunities to prove that you're not the petty insecure manager that the others are by taking on something that you can herd the cats toward.
IN the case of special disaster, you're truly fucked. You get a committee of epic failure. It will do nothing, and will disrupt the functioning of various divisions in the company.
When you hire a incompetent apathetic invertebrate and put him in a position that has explicit organizational power, that's bad enough. But generally you will find out quickly he's bad and you can get him out.
But when you put such bastards in a position where there is low organizational authority but where he has to rely on inferential authority or generating influence then he WILL form a committee. Possibly many. And none of them will do anything.
Such insects never give as much as a fly's asshole about what is done or how fast it is done, or whether it is done, but the WILL care about giving out the impression that THEY tried. IF anything didn't happen it's because of the environment, external factors, and other people.
These are committees you should never ever be a part of. Ever.
(Oh and Virat Kohli's century doesn't change the fact he still has miles to go before he proves himself to be worthy. If it were left to me, I would drop him from the team on the basis that he looks like a retard and is overrated. The only thing Virat about him are his eyebrows.)
Truisms That Aint
Last time I posted something about evil dudes in the organizations that use truisms to win or otherwise end arguments. They just spout these statements that for some reason nobody argues with, then they walk away with a smug look on their face that I would very much like to wipe out with a piece of genuine Kashmir Willow.
I always feel like responding to these bitches with spit spraying from my mouth as I berate their use of these truisms, but I am unfortunately often forced to calm the fuck down because of office decorum. So what better place to act out my fantasy responses to those evil bitches in my very own blog. Here goes
Truism: There is no right or wrong answer
Me: Wrong motherfucker. There is. There is ALWAYS a right or wrong answer. It may not be clear to YOU that one of the available options is better than the others, but it IS. Maybe you'll know now or later, but that doesn't mean you just walk off and put the decision making on somebody else you piece of shit.
Truism: There is no such thing as a stupid question.
Me: Yea you're right, dipshit. Questions are not sentient beings. So you can take offense to characterising questions themselves as stupid. But not the people who ask them, right? YOU are stupid. There. Happy?
Truism: We can't get anywhere if we dont work together. Listen, there is no I in Team
Me: No there isn't, but there's U in FUCKER. What does that even mean? The guy in engineering is a no good work shirking dick, and you're just too pussy to do anything about it, so you just ask people to get along? And did you notice there's U in pussy?
Truism: You have to be a leader. You have to BE the change you want to see.
Me: What? Fuck!! So if I want to change that IT database, then I have to BE a database that works? What the fuck? OK here's me being an ugly idiot jumping into a well. Does that now mean you will too?
Truism: An employee's career is his own responsibility
Me: Really? But he doesn't have the authority does he? Otherwise he could have just promoted himself! You scheming bitch. You want him to have the responsibility without having the authority? What kind of delegation is that, motherfucker?
Truism: Quality is number 1
Me: Make up your mind, you idiot, it's billowing in the wind like the blade of grass that passes for your spine. WHICH is number 1? Quality? I thought it was safety? Or is it the customer? You're just making this shit up as you go along aren't you?
Response: There is no right or wrong answer.
Me: Aaaargh
Employee: People are leaving my team because the pay is too low
Evil Supremo: People leave managers. Not the company
Me: Yup. People do leave managers. See ya.
I always feel like responding to these bitches with spit spraying from my mouth as I berate their use of these truisms, but I am unfortunately often forced to calm the fuck down because of office decorum. So what better place to act out my fantasy responses to those evil bitches in my very own blog. Here goes
Truism: There is no right or wrong answer
Me: Wrong motherfucker. There is. There is ALWAYS a right or wrong answer. It may not be clear to YOU that one of the available options is better than the others, but it IS. Maybe you'll know now or later, but that doesn't mean you just walk off and put the decision making on somebody else you piece of shit.
Truism: There is no such thing as a stupid question.
Me: Yea you're right, dipshit. Questions are not sentient beings. So you can take offense to characterising questions themselves as stupid. But not the people who ask them, right? YOU are stupid. There. Happy?
Truism: We can't get anywhere if we dont work together. Listen, there is no I in Team
Me: No there isn't, but there's U in FUCKER. What does that even mean? The guy in engineering is a no good work shirking dick, and you're just too pussy to do anything about it, so you just ask people to get along? And did you notice there's U in pussy?
Truism: You have to be a leader. You have to BE the change you want to see.
Me: What? Fuck!! So if I want to change that IT database, then I have to BE a database that works? What the fuck? OK here's me being an ugly idiot jumping into a well. Does that now mean you will too?
Truism: An employee's career is his own responsibility
Me: Really? But he doesn't have the authority does he? Otherwise he could have just promoted himself! You scheming bitch. You want him to have the responsibility without having the authority? What kind of delegation is that, motherfucker?
Truism: Quality is number 1
Me: Make up your mind, you idiot, it's billowing in the wind like the blade of grass that passes for your spine. WHICH is number 1? Quality? I thought it was safety? Or is it the customer? You're just making this shit up as you go along aren't you?
Response: There is no right or wrong answer.
Me: Aaaargh
Employee: People are leaving my team because the pay is too low
Evil Supremo: People leave managers. Not the company
Me: Yup. People do leave managers. See ya.
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